3rd person anxiety and depression

I grew up with sticks and stones may break my bones but word will never hurt me. Never did i know what is like to watch someone you love being scared, feeling lonely and not being able to deal with day to day things like getting dressed, having a shower, even getting out of bed… the pain i feel not being able to help my partner, i try and comfort her and try and understand whats happening or how she feels what she is thinking… i love her more than anything, she is my whole world my rock! I wish i could bear her pain, just take it away from her! I feel useless! Im trying so hard to do the right thing… i want her to feel better, i want her to feel happy and enjoy every minute of the day… i want her to feel safe! 

I had only been with my partner 5 months when we got a phone call in the morning saying that her father and brother in law had had an accident and that her father was unconscious… we went to the hostpital right away. I didnt know what to say or do, i knew that i needed to be there for my partner though, i remember waiting there day light to dark not knowing what to say or what to do but just being there for my partner. For the next 13 days we hoped with every ounce of our energy that all would turn out well! I prayed that he would be alright, we were helpless! There was nothing we could do! The docters were saying he needed time for the brain injuries to get better etc. we had hope, we thought he was going to make it then all of the sudden the doctors change minds saying that it wasnt looking good and they reccomended the life support be turned off… we went to the hostpital together knowing that this was to be the last time we would see her father… 

after the funeral we went home, i tried to comfort my partner who was grieving her father, i tried my best to make her feel loved and wanted and to make her know that i loved her! Things started to look up for my partner she even started to smile.. 

fast forward a few years and a few house moves things started to go down hill we stopped going out as much i noticed that my partner avoided going to the shops etc  so i would go to the shops and do all the shopping thinking that maybe with time she would become herself… how wrong i was it only made things worse… 

it is at a point now where im trying not to upset her or make her anxious or nervous, i just wish i could take this struggle from her its tearing me apart not being able to help her! We have been to psychologist and doctor changed medication but nothing seems to reall work but im not giving up nor will i ever give up i love her with every atom in my body, any help is welcomed! ❤

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